Five Ways to Support Students Through Grief

Insights from Grief Specialist Maria Trozzi

When a child experiences loss—especially the death of a peer—adults often ask the same questions: What should I say? Should I bring it up? What if my child doesn’t want to talk? How do I know if I’m doing this right? In a recent Zoom conversation with our school community, grief specialist Maria Trozzi, author of Talking to Children About Loss, shared practical, developmentally grounded guidance for supporting children and adolescents through grief. Below are five of the most helpful principles she offered, which are simple in concept yet powerful in practice.

1. Keep Routines—They Create Safety

One of Maria’s clearest messages was this: structure helps children feel safe.

Even in moments of grief, routines signal stability. School schedules, mealtimes, bedtime rituals, and daily expectations help children understand that while something difficult has happened, the world has not fallen apart.
 
As Maria shared, “It’s not business as usual—but it is structure as usual.” Routine doesn’t minimize grief; it contains it, allowing children to process emotions without feeling unmoored.

2. Be Honest—But Match Your Child’s Age and Stage

Children understand loss differently depending on their developmental stage. Maria emphasized that age and stage—not curiosity or maturity—shape how children make sense of death.

Younger children need simple, concrete language. Elementary-aged children may ask detailed questions and worry about safety. Adolescents often wrestle with fairness, meaning, and “why.”

Honesty matters—but so does how information is framed. Avoid euphemisms that confuse (“passed away,” “lost”) and offer clear, calm explanations rooted in what your child can truly understand.

3. If It’s Unmentionable, It’s Unmanageable

One of Maria’s most powerful reminders was this: if children sense that something cannot be talked about, they assume it is too overwhelming to handle.

You do not need to force conversations—but you do need to make them possible. A simple comment like, “I’ve been thinking about Emma today. It makes me sad,” opens the door without pressure.

Children take cues from adults. When we name feelings calmly and honestly, we teach them that emotions—even hard ones—can be managed.

4. Model Feelings—and Containment

Maria emphasized that children need to see both emotion and stability.

It is okay for children to see adults feel sad. What matters is that they also see adults cope: I feel this—and I can handle it.

This balance reassures children that they are emotionally safe, that adults are still in charge, and that life will continue, even alongside grief. It’s not about hiding feelings—it’s about showing that feelings don’t take over.

5. Let Grief Look Different for Every Child

Some children want to talk. Some want distraction. Some may seem unaffected, sarcastic, or overly focused on routine questions.

Maria reminded families that there is no single “right” way to grieve. Behaviors that seem confusing are often developmentally appropriate coping strategies.

Our role is not to rush children through grief, but to walk alongside them—offering presence, perspective, and reassurance that support is available whenever they need it.

A Final Thought

Grief is not something we fix for children. It is something we help them carry, little by little, with honesty, structure, and care. When adults provide steadiness, language, and reassurance, children build the resilience to face hard moments—not alone, but together.